what you mean to me

1st: you’re one of my 2 absolute favourite bands – the other one is Nirvana.

I am 20 now. My youth consisted of humiliation, mental health problems and suicidal thoughts.
I am still struggling a bit to come back to normal. Your music and lifestories help me to live on. Also, the hope of someone understanding me and loving me for what I am. Your music enlightens me in many creative ways and supports me in making my own music and expressing myself. Also, it’s fun and just sounds soooo cool and is good to sing/scream/dance/freak out to and stuff.
When my time of depression was about to end – 1 year ago, Bikini Kill and their thoughts of feminism helped me to rise again, it gave me new hope and something to believe in. It filled my days (I was having one year off) with new constructive ideas and positive anger (on the system and society). Riot grrrl, especially, showed me in those times that I WAS SOMEONE. that I had a right to live and to be happy and that fucking no one had the right to just shit on my head. (I think riot grrrl and part of feminism is about gaining self esteem – DIY is such a fucking perfect way of expressing oneself- I read some zines (not many, cause I only had the opportunity to search some on the internet – cause we don’t have things like that in Austria much.) and always got the massage of support, to be oneself, to celebrate oneself, to be strong – and a feeling that someone understands… feminism and riot grrrl, and being left-wing, is for me not only about getting free from the boy’s, the state’s, the society’s opression, but also about getting free from all kinds of powers that affect you in a negative way – like real hatred, humiliation, feeling not worth anything/inferior… all the things that affect us on a daily basis and appear in human interaction. That’s why politics for me begins not only in the private, like homes and stuff, but also inside of a human being.)
Kathleen, you and co. brought those thoughts to me. I wouldn’t even think about something like this, when I hadn’t listened to Bikini Kill.
At the moment, my “radical” ideas on feminism (that means, that I was FULL of anger) have faided a little, cause I realized that feminism is a difficult and complicated thing, cause the discrimination of women is often so subtle and it’s hard to find the right words if another boy, or girl, asks you “why do you think girls are discriminated? Do you feel discriminated?”…
I sometimes don’t know who I fight against… Sometimes I even believe that we’re all one and all is ok and we’re all happy together… But I always get this feeling that there’s still something wrong.
Whatever, I decided not to think about feminism and gender and boys/girls and justifying myself when I call myself “feminist” so much anymore cause I don’t come to any solution and just to focus on the real important things: Like working against men who beat up their wifes and stuff.

What I wanted to say… You gave me visions of my future – and for a long time I didn’t have those… I just had people in my mind, people torturing me… with what they might think of me and stuff. Now I want to become a psychotherapist and also study “Gender Studies” and do something for women and girls, to support their self esteem, and I also want to go to the Rock n Roll Camp for Girls sometime and be a drums/bass or guitar teacher or be a girl that forms a band myself wooooo-a : D
yeah. thanks for listening- would be GLAD if you wrote back [:

ps: cause I read on your blog, kathleen: … no, most of the people don’t think feminism is cool – at least not in my area. They think it sucks and is annoying and they think of feminists as girls that like to make themselves important…
I guess I’m a bit trough it myself, cause I feel not so concerned by feminist issues anymore (although I still can get really pissed off because of such things at times…), but whatever happens and wherever I end up, I know that I fucking love bikini kill and all riot grrls and boyz (which means for me: just the cool kids with a cool attitude [: )

You also inspired SO SO many bands, like my own!!!! First we wanted to be just like you until we came to a point that that’s just not possible ^^… well……. Now we talk alot about bikini kill and your songs, and love to sing and cover all songs by you [:

well well well, love you guys! lovely cheers, anna

PS check out my band, if you like
not a good site, but we’re working on it… (or at least we have in mind to work on it) and tell me what you think bout it.

MUCH grungy love, cheers and queers,

anna mollie aka mansikka

oh and here’s a video of me and my bandmate wutzi covering suck my left one in the morning after a veeery drunk night
:

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