I skipped trying to sing and started trying to scream.
i was born in 1987, grew up in a really small, conservative and catholic village next to not even bigger town and got an older brother born in 1980. as i was fourteen years old i was hanging out in his room while his tv was on and there was ´smells like teen spirit´ by nirvana on the tv. because i thought and said that i found that pretty cool my brother gave to me a cobain biography and went to buy some records with me that he said which have been “important” in the grunge era and could be interesting for me. I also got my first converse shoes what was SO important for me. like all that i grew up in another generation. but whatever. i started reading the biography and because this whole thing was just full with men i started to search out for girls who were like me. i started watching out for them in the small town i grew up but did only find boysboysboys! plus, they thought to be the kings of the highschool and all the teenagers because they were just SO alternative and SO anti. But they weren´t even cool in my eyes. while reading the cobain biography i found out about a band called ´bikini kill´and i started to have a look about articles about them and about their records and EVERYTHING!
good for me, a short time after i went to london with my class and there i found their two albums. i still remember even how they smelled because i was sitting in our bus while driving home to germany, listening to ´pussy whipped´, checking out the booklet that smelled something weird. if i listen to it today i still start smelling on the booklet 🙂
after the male-bands didn´t matter for me anymore i started to check out the whole ´riot-grrrl´-thing and all those bands, you know, huggy bear, bratmobile, L7, plus sleater-kinney, hole, babes in toyland or the raincoats, the runaways, joan jett and the black hearts.. i was into.. jack off jill, pj harvey, tori amos and wanted to marry kim gordon. just all of them, i was in love! i started writing more, i practiced playing the drums and the guitar every day, i skipped trying to sing and started trying to scream. soon after i recognized that there were still only the boys in town who were into stuff like i was. like that i decided, that if i can´t find girls who were into stuff like I was and did know ´bikini kill´ or riot grrrl (i just couldn´t believe that! i thought that every girl in the world must know about).. whatever, I decided “if they don´t know, it´s on me, i must show it to them!” and I did it It I found a lot of girls who were interested and started to check out the music and the movement! I am still a bit proud about that, too! I think that´s ok because it´s not important to be famous or something. girls and people in town knew and know me but they know me as the feminist and/ or the riot grrrl and that is the cool thing about! i started to collect, write, copy and spread zines and every time i left the house i got a bunch of zines, records or even the ´bible´ (book called ´lips. tits. hits. power?”) in my bag and i started to show it to girls i met, i started talking more to them. i just were more interested in girls than ever before and, what was the best thing happening to me, i recognized that every girl, weather it looks like or what her favorites were(like the hip hop or the pop girls), could be and were and is my sisters. this is what still is really important for me and always will be. in the past years I had friends, especially girl-friends, in all subcultures. ´bikini kill´ made me open-minded i think! every girl and every woman is my sister and i´ll stand up for those girls whatever they think about me or my thing or whatever and protect them and share my thoughts and stuff with them. like that, bikini kill, though i still love and listen to their music, was NOT only music, ´bikini kill´ made me a feminist and made my feminism in most ways. and while i think feminism is humanism i feel just better since those days and if i remember this and that and what i could do and what is really important i will always (!) feel better. you made my days in nearly the last 10 years and you will always do!!!! you made me recognized that what i am, what i love or how i look, feel and think is always and in all ways right and ok and perfect! plus, I recognized that all that made me ever different from the others (which made me A LOT of problems/ identity problems) was that I had always been a feminist and people always tried to shut me up! but, thank whomever, before they got to shut me up i found out about ´bikini kill´ and now it will never ever be possible for the world to shut me up! thank you so much for that! You are the queens of my world and you will always be!
ps. sad, I don´t have all the old pictures of our old girlgang in town anymore coz my pc crashed months ago. i´m sorry about that